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The Power of the Compliment

11/8/2014

1 Comment

 
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Nothing is more powerful in teaching when we use positive reinforcement.  It's helpful when we work on students' behavior and their learning.  Outsiders might think we're just looking to boost kids' self-esteem (although there's nothing really wrong with that!), but it's so much deeper if we use it the right way.  Compliments are an amazing teaching tool.  Here are a few positives of being positive.


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When you compliment a student, attribute the positive work to the student personally.  When children do something we don't want, we often try to separate them from their behavior.  However, when they do good things, we have to do the opposite.  That means we want to compliment them, not just what they did.  For example, instead of saying, "You really wrote a great beginning to your story by starting with a tiny action," we should say, "I can see you're the kind of writer who draws his readers in through paying close attention to very real sounding details," and then elaborate by naming what he did in his work that shows that.  By complimenting the child personally, you are giving the message, "You did this wonderful thing, maybe without even realizing it, and this is something awesome you can continue to become!"  Again, think about how we avoid this kind of language when encountering bad behavior.  We don't label kids as liars, thieves, or any other lasting words.  However, how powerful is that when we give them personal credit for the good things they've accomplished.  Lucy Calkins tells us that when we compliment, we should compliment like a paragraph like a paragraph, not a sentence.  By this, she means to make the compliment rich in detail about what the student did, but by attributing the good work to the student, not to the product.  This will have a longer lasting effect. 

Lucy Calkins also teaches us that compliments should be as dramatic as possible.  When complimenting a child, you should genuinely be impressed with what they have done.  Make it seem important so that kids will want to continue the good thing they have done.

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Every good conference, or by extension, any teaching opportunity has something to compliment and something to teach.  Every great conference or any teaching opportunity has something to compliment and something to teach that are related.  This does several things.

First this helps us to avoid the trap of having deficit-oriented conferences.  Marie Clay reminds us that when you build on a deficit, it's like building a house on a weak foundation, and why would you do that? Instead of teaching what kids aren't doing or what they're doing badly,  Sometimes those are things they aren't even ready to learn yet.  Instead, we should aim for the concepts they are already approximating, because we know they are ready to learn those things.

For example, if a student is using dialogue in her writing, we can aim to teach about how to use the dialogue more effectively, as a means of show, not tell, or in a way that moves the story along, or in a way that foreshadows upcoming events.  By basing the teaching point on something the student is already sort of doing, the conference feels less like an attack.

The same thing can be done when principals observe teachers.  Take a look at what the teacher is already doing, acknowledge it, and then build on it.  It will make observations feel less like the anxiety-provoking inspection and more like an opportunity for growth.

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The examples here so far have been about the work that students and their teachers do.  One other place where this is effective is when talking to kids about their behavior. I mentioned earlier how we try to separate kids from their negative behaviors in hopes that they will avoid those behaviors in the future.  Imagine how powerful it is when you talk to a child who has just lied to you by explaining how she is one of the most honest people you know, and how you've always been able to depend on her.  It twinges a little of guilt, but it lifts the child to a higher level of expectation from you and from herself! 

I remember when I was a child hearing teachers' tirades on children.  The self-fulfilling prophecy is true.  Kids do what we lay out as expectations of them!  When we deal with negative behaviors, we need to pair them up with positive attributes that may have somehow been overlooked in the heat of the moment of childhood.  If kids tease, remind them what good friends they usually are.  If kids lose their tempers, remind them how patient they are known to be.  If they give up, talk about how resilient you've known them to be!

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A little compliment can go a long way.  It's a powerful tool we own.  Let's use it to help kids grow in every way.

1 Comment
Adrienne Soti
11/10/2014 08:27:54 pm

Wow! What a great reminder for me, as a parent, of how I should be more positive in "scolding" my children. It has crossed my mind at times, usually after it had been spoken, that my criticism could be a self-fulfilling prophecy. I guess it would be helpful to pause a little and think about how to phrase that kind of commentary.

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    Tom Marshall

    You need a learner's soul, a teacher's heart, a coach's mind, and a principal's hand!

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